Memory Meals

All the different types of foods that you eat create this story about you. Sometimes the story is one of ambition; "I'm going plant-based to crush my next athletic goal." Sometimes the story is one of sacrifice; "I haven't had time to cook because I've been watching over him." Perhaps it is a story of adventure; "I've always had bread growing up, maybe I'm allergic to gluten."

Our eating habits can share so many different stories about our journey, goals, and priorities. It's important to acknowledge that our relationship with food is not always healthy or productive. As a quick note, 28.8 million Americans will have an eating disorder in their lifetime (National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders). And if you are reading this and you are someone who has been working on your relationship with food, kudos to you. This post encourages us to reflect on our relationships with food, specifically, how food connects us to the people in our lives.

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In the memoir, Crying in H Mart, author Michelle Zauner reflects on how food, and the specialty store that her mother and aunt would shop at, became a spiritual and emotional portal for her. She writes, "Within five years, I lost both my aunt and my mother to cancer. So, when I go to H Mart, I'm not just on the hunt for cuttlefish and three bunches of scallions for a buck; I'm searching for memories. I'm collecting the evidence that the Korean half of my identity didn't die when they did. H Mart is the bridge that guides me away from the memories that haunt me, of chemo head and skeletal bodies and logging milligrams of hydrocodone. It reminds me of who they were before, beautiful and full of life, wiggling Chang Gu honey-cracker rings on all ten of their fingers, showing me how to suck a Korean grape from its skin and spit out the seeds."

Food is a portal. Do you remember what your lunch looked like in elementary school or high school? How did your plate change when you started to pick out your own groceries? What is the one dish that you can't wait to see at the family party? Better yet, what is the one dish you secretly hope runs out before you step in line? With all of these answers, you do not just remember your food. You remember the sounds of the room. Maybe you remember specific colors or objects. Hopefully, you also remember the specifics of someone else's plate.

At our high school lunch table, we had one student that ate traditional Vietnamese dishes every day. At the time, we didn't appreciate the smell or the look of these meals. To us, the food was foreign, unknown. To our lunchmate, the food was comforting, routine. There was always a bowl of Cheddar Chex Mix at family gatherings, thanks to Aunt G. I remember munching on Chex after the host packed up all the food. I don't know a single party where the bowl was even halfway gone. I could have been the only person eating Chex. It wasn't the desirability of the snack that made it special. It was the person who brought it.

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So often, we receive messages about what we should eat. In sport, it seems like there are new "findings" on what food is the most helpful for performance or recovery that circulate each month. There is science, and then there is marketing. There are services to make "eating clean" easy and convenient. It is also true that some athletes have shattered records by going plant-based, or eating high-fat, low-carb, or following Keto/Paleo/Idunno. I've tried different routines for a few years, like going plant-based or cutting out anything processed. I've seen results from both of those routines.

HOWEVER. Running is a lonely sport. You spend so much of your time running alone, lifting alone, and recovering alone. It can be a fantastic self-care routine. After those long sessions, I always found myself craving food that was not my type of food. I'd have cravings for things like a can of Coke, a pack of gummies, or a McDonald's meal. These foods do not make the "healthy" lifestyle starting pack. Still, in the middle of a hot summer training block, opening a can of Coke reminded me of my grandfather. He always kept his fridge stocked with 16oz Cokes. When I'd bike over to his house in the summer, we'd drink a Coke and continue to watch whatever Western show he had on TV. So, I try to treat myself to a Coke when I can because it feels like I'm sharing it with him. I know I'm sharing it with him because he's my first thought when I see those bubbles.

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My favorite foods are the foods of my favorite people, both past and present. Sushi was something I first experienced with a high school girlfriend. Later in life, it was a Tuesday tradition at an old job. Now, sushi is this trip down memory lane; I think of dates after a school day or pausing an intense newsletter day to eat with the team. 

These memories help me try new things when I might not know what to get on a menu. I might try gnocchi because my best friend loves it. Sometimes, these memories make it possible to eat, like when I first moved to Athens for grad school and didn't know anyone. For times of extreme stress, I rely on the peanut butter and jelly sandwich. It is my father's favorite. And it was one of the staples of the lunches my mom used to pack me. And sometimes, these favorite foods are the inspiration to buy something at the grocery store that I wouldn’t think to buy, like fruit cups and apple sauce. I love fresh fruit. I hate throwing away the fruit that I don’t get to eat in time. Whenever I would go to my grandmother’s house, she would have so many different types of fruit cups and applesauces. It never occurred to me to buy cupped fruit on my own.

Our relationship with food can be so unbalanced. Sometimes, we forget how beautiful it is to have so many possibilities for fuel. The more unfortunate fact is that we forget all the meals that we've shared and just how precious those moments are. I would do just about anything to pull up a chair next to my Paw, Aunt G, or grandmother. Food can help us remember those past versions of ourselves, and more importantly, the people that helped shape us into who we are today. Memory meals can reaffirm our sense of identity and experience.

Until the day when I can sit next to them again, I'll crack a Coke, have some Chex, and try always to order a side of applesauce. 

What are some of the foods that you eat to remember someone or something?