joystill moments
If you had to explain “joy” to someone that was learning the word for the first time, what would you say?
The definition of joy.
For a bit of context, this thought is a product of the holiday season. The time of year where joy is not simply a feeling to be felt. It’s also a brand. Joy is literally written on the walls. JOY is even on those tiny Dove chocolate wrappers.
On the TV screens and floating from the radio waves, JOY is a proclamation! You might receive Christmas cards with “JOY” or “JOYFUL”. Sometimes the messages will be tied to the Christian celebration of Christ, and other times simply because it “tis the season!”.
For many, joy is a mandatory mood. If you plan to be out in public, oh my you had better be the most pleasant you have ever been. You should be on your best behavior if you will. After all, how could you not be joyful after you’ve decked the halls?! What could stop you from feeling great pleasure as you enter another year?!
Often times, there are traceable moments where some joy spilled out at a point in the year. Now, they stand at our collective holiday party with a cup that is not joy-full. In the absence of Buddy-the-elf-level excitement, our instinct is to try to fill their cup. Sometimes, that help might be the offer to pour a little of your joy for them. Other times, it might be to will their cup to fill on its own.
I might challenge the comforters to withhold their joyous juices in either reaction. I'd like to propose a toast in solidarity for those with the cup that is not overflowing. It's alright to be in the celebration season and not feel entirely joyful. Even Jay Gatsby felt the party stale.
I don't think we should expect an overflow. Let us relish in joystill moments instead. Joystill is the feeling of gratitude or fulfillment despite some obstacle(s).
The past two years have not been the best tracks on our album of life. However, in the roughly 730 days that we've lived through, there had to be moments of laughter, of release. And honestly, those are miracle moments. We are of the expectation that it's all good. We want it to be all or nothing. If you've messed up at 7AM, then you have committed your 6PM to be terrible.
It simply isn't true - that our moments instantly seal our direction. The blessing of a moment is that it will be over. You'll start again. Joystill moments allow us to acknowledge that we will happy, maybe even a little delighted, but also feel something else.
This Christmas was the first one without my grandmother. It was the first time she would not be downstairs sipping coffee on Christmas morning. We will no longer make the very short drive to her house later on Christmas Day, to open more presents. There are so many "no mores" that you don't realize until the moments where those traditions vanish. In an instant things can go from "we will" to "we used to".
In the season of re-realizing loss, you might realize that your glass feels a little lighter. All at once, the call to be joyful becomes an impossible challenge. If you find yourself wanting of joy, but unable to be full - do not panic.
When I finally landed in Pennsylvania and embraced my dad at the baggage claim, I realized that I felt more than the joy of home in my heart. As I sat at dinners with my family, on the couch with my sister, or played with our dogs, I couldn't shake that someone wasn't right.
How could it be right? How could the world be correct ever again? Some people think that we expand ourselves to fit around grief. It's not that I need extra space because of grief. Whether I had a studio apartment or a mansion, I will feel some type of way that grief is a roommate.
And yet, I will try my best to make all the available space so full of love and delight. What is important to recognize is that it is all of the available space. We don't need to evict grief (because it won't last), and we don't need to redress what grief is.
Fortune favors joystill because it allows us to be honest with ourselves and those around us. We can use our emotional space; however we need to, as long as it honors our journey.